oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
