omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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