Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
