i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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