i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
