i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am midnight drunk by noon
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
