A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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