just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
