you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
