People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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