It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
