TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
