If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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