I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
