Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
