i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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