My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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