Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
