I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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