I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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