her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
