Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
