and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
