Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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