omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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