No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
