didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this boner is exhausting
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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