I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
