apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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