College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
