the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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