Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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