I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
