he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
