Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
