Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
It's Friday. Sex?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
