Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
