Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
