Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
