The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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