I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
