That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
