True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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