She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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