got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
