OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
