Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
