I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
