So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
