NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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